Vanessa’s Vignette
For 5 years, I had been a part of the club. We reveled in our freedoms, our balance, our child’s diverse palette and worldly travel. I was a part of the “one child” club. I had many friends in the one child club. For reasons within or beyond our control, these family units consisted of one child and two parents. I noted to myself how odd it was that I knew so many people in the club, whereas growing up, I knew no one without siblings. Last December, I left the club. Mostly, I still associate with my former club members, but some have ousted me, almost as if I have somehow betrayed them by expanding on our family unit. I was fascinated to read Time Magazine’s article “One and Done”. With economic pressures, more investment in career and the quest for personal happiness, more parents have opted to have one child and call it a day. Perhaps it is in part to the changing demands of parenthood, which require us to shuttle our child to this and that practice and activity. Perhaps it is due to simply valuing and enjoying what we have, rather than wanting for things we don’t have. Perhaps the fact that children cost families an average of $286,000, before college. Perhaps it is a subtle move away from the inextricable link of religiosity and reproduction or from a more agrarian society where multiple children ensured the lifeblood of the family. Yet interestingly, while there has been a spike in singleton families, there has also been a spike in families of 3+ children. A New York obstetrician says, “3 is the new black” While the percentages of singleton and larger families grow, the demographics indeed are shifting. The 2010 Pew Study shows an uptick in the share of births to Hispanic women, while white motherhood has declined by 12% since 1990. And the definition of family is shifting. Cousins and friends children are becoming like siblings to many families, perhaps because of smaller families and perhaps because families are moving more for jobs and therefore are adopting other families to make up for the ones living in far away states. All in all these trends are fascinating, and continue to suggest a true shift in consumer values. What I take away is that the decision to have a family and to actively decide the size family you desire is a much more considered decision than in the past. More controlled, more deliberate, like many other decisions facing the American family today. And that happiness is being questioned, and redefined. I still see some of my old club members, and I can’t help notice a little smile when they hear of my recent sleepless nights.
